Marshawn Pinch, the Seattle Aquarium’s 12th crustacean, is ready to claw his way to a victory for the Seattle Searocks against the San Francisco 40Briners at this Sunday’s NFSea Championship game. Under the leadership of Coach Pete Coral, with fellow teammates Mussel Wilson, Richard Sturgeon, Golden Skate and other sea-star players, scuttling-back Pinch will draw a line in the sand and show the Briners that no one surfs Seattle’s turf.
“It’s the Battle of the Bays: our Elliott Bay versus their San Francisco Bay,” says Pinch. “We’re going to bring our Tidal Boom, knock the wind out of their sails, and go for it—hook, line and sinker. With the help of our fans, we might even launch another BeachQuake to totally shell-shock their offense.”
“After last week’s win against the New Orleans Baits, the world is our oyster,” Pinch continues. “We’re riding the crest of the wave, surfing our way to Fish Bowl XLV111.” When asked if he had any further comments about the game, Pinch simply said, “Not on our beach, shrimps.” And then he retreated into his shell.
*No hermit crabs were harmed in the creation of this promotion.